I always consider myself not religious enough. Sure, I go to the church once a week and every holy day. I pray every morning and before go to sleep. But that's all. I don't like to mention graces to God in every breath I take. In fact, I'm quite sinister to someone who does it. Not insult the person, but more in wondering whether he/she really mean it or just do it automatically, or worse only so he/she seems good enough in our eyes.
I never rely my hopes 100% in God's Hands. In fact, I rarely do devotions such as Novena to Holy Spirit or to Mother Mary. I don't have enough the diligence and toughness in following it from day 1 till its end. There's always something else more important to do or bad weather dampen my intention.
But I guess unconsciously I lean to God's shoulder every now and then. Maybe more than I really want it. I realize it every time I saved from a would-be trouble in my life, just because I acted on my impulsiveness despite a detailed plan I had made before. After the worst was over, I could see that at the time I had playing with time, trying to stall it, waiting for some signs from Him that all would be okay, that everything was right and true as it's supposed to be. I learn to watch and listen some signs around me before taking any decision. I couldn't acclaim it as God's voice, I'm not that good in recognize it at the first hearing. But every time a good thing come out of it, I always thank God (although never say it out loud) that He has saved me once again.
Many times I'm mad at Him because He wouldn't grant me my wishes. But somehow, I could see that He always give me a compensation, maybe not too much worth than my wishes in my eyes, but enough to make me see a light again. Enough to let Him once again hold my hand and walk on His way, hate it as I may.
I could see that I would always be interested in the short, nice-view side road to my happiness. But I could also realize that God never give up on me. His hands always ready to pull me from any danger. In one of my web essays I mentioned that one of my best attributes is the fact that there's always a guardian angel beside me who watch and protect me from any danger. And yes, it's true. All I have to do is always take a moment of silence and try to listen His voice in that moment. Apparently, He doesn't care that I keep our relationship so private. That I keep my worldly image in public. Only talk to Him privately.
Maybe someday, God, maybe someday......
Posts
