My harvest this year

Thanksgiving isn't my culture. Nevertheless, there's nothing wrong in using the moment to thank God for His blessings and gifts towards me, especially during this year.

Thank You, God, for finally granted the wish(es) I'd made on the first day of August as my birthday wishes. That you finally lighted up my way that had been so long in the dark. That finally I got a new job, after so many years I tried and tried and almost gave up. And thank You, too, for allowed me making this good news as a wonderful welcoming present for a friend just as I wished.

Thank You, God, for surrounding me with good friends and family. For making me always found a little joy, love and laughter, even in the middle of chaos, stresses and troubles. For providing me a little oase where I could rest for a while, let go my burden and enjoy the moment, short as it is.

At last but not the least, I greatly thank You, God, for allowing me following my heart this time. I just hope that You won't mind grant me some strength when I need it most in the future, when everything won't end like I wish.

Dear God, bless everyone whom I love and who loves me. Especially for my elderly parents. For my Dad who has been ill for so long, please hold his hands, give him a strength to face his illness and to gladly lay his health in Your Hands. For Mom who has been so patient in caring my Dad and us her children, even in her old age.....grant her more strength and allow her to be able to enjoy her old age in peace and happiness, because she really deserves it.

Thank You, God, for my harvest this year. It's the best gift for my birthday this year! Amen.

God's Message or Just a Coincident?

Once, a friend asked me whether I'm a religious person. No, I'm not. I only do my minimum obligations: go to the church once a week or at other holidays required, pray only at the beginning and end of the day, rarely do any devotion. But, still I need to receive God's approval in everything I do, especially for something new, something that makes me have to choose. Of course I couldn't expect God would speak to me face to face, loud and clear. I have to listen it from everything happened around me, or listen to my heart. It's a difficult job, since I couldn't be sure whether it is really God's answer or just a coincident?

During these last couple of days, I had experienced bad things simultaneously. Fallen sick badly over a long weekend, when I would prefer used the time joining my friend in an outing together. My laptop's adaptor had suddenly broken, when every IT spare parts shops are closed for the holiday. It have made me worried, that somehow I'm going into a direction not intended for me to have it at all. I've been thinking and thinking, re-evaluating all of my actions and choices. There's a part in my heart that wants to acknowledge it as God's warning to me. But, much more of it just wants to see it as a co-incident, a bad luck for me.

So, at the present I just play along. Waiting, let the time goes by until the critical time comes. Hopefully, at the time I could realize something more of this bad luck meaning for me.

God and I

I always consider myself not religious enough. Sure, I go to the church once a week and every holy day. I pray every morning and before go to sleep. But that's all. I don't like to mention graces to God in every breath I take. In fact, I'm quite sinister to someone who does it. Not insult the person, but more in wondering whether he/she really mean it or just do it automatically, or worse only so he/she seems good enough in our eyes.

I never rely my hopes 100% in God's Hands. In fact, I rarely do devotions such as Novena to Holy Spirit or to Mother Mary. I don't have enough the diligence and toughness in following it from day 1 till its end. There's always something else more important to do or bad weather dampen my intention.

But I guess unconsciously I lean to God's shoulder every now and then. Maybe more than I really want it. I realize it every time I saved from a would-be trouble in my life, just because I acted on my impulsiveness despite a detailed plan I had made before. After the worst was over, I could see that at the time I had playing with time, trying to stall it, waiting for some signs from Him that all would be okay, that everything was right and true as it's supposed to be. I learn to watch and listen some signs around me before taking any decision. I couldn't acclaim it as God's voice, I'm not that good in recognize it at the first hearing. But every time a good thing come out of it, I always thank God (although never say it out loud) that He has saved me once again.

Many times I'm mad at Him because He wouldn't grant me my wishes. But somehow, I could see that He always give me a compensation, maybe not too much worth than my wishes in my eyes, but enough to make me see a light again. Enough to let Him once again hold my hand and walk on His way, hate it as I may.

I could see that I would always be interested in the short, nice-view side road to my happiness. But I could also realize that God never give up on me. His hands always ready to pull me from any danger. In one of my web essays I mentioned that one of my best attributes is the fact that there's always a guardian angel beside me who watch and protect me from any danger. And yes, it's true. All I have to do is always take a moment of silence and try to listen His voice in that moment. Apparently, He doesn't care that I keep our relationship so private. That I keep my worldly image in public. Only talk to Him privately.

Maybe someday, God, maybe someday......