What makes it hard for me is not the fasting and abstinence required to do during the Lent. It is the whole meaning of redemption that always makes me questioning about my faith.
A priest during a homily last week said that the main thing in seeking a redemption is regret, that one regret his sins and is willing to try very hard not to do it again. But what if I never regret what I had done, even though I knew it was a wrong thing to do according to the Teaching? Do I deserve to stay in my faith?
Lent is ended with celebrating the resurrection of Jesus Christ. In Holy Saturday, all of believers are asked to renew their baptismal promises. Commonly we just agree to the promises by reading the textbook. But since I developed the awareness of my faith, I found out that I couldn't just say yes but never do it in reality. It is after all a promise, to God Himself nevertheless. At some points, I just kept silent while the other around me were saying yes in chorus. I only try to be honest to myself. Do I still deserve to stay in my faith?
A friend once sent a daily reflection into my mailbox, questioning what our true motivation in keep going to the church. Is it really for God, or just a habit. But, is it wrong to keep coming and pray to God out of habits only? I read an article years ago, stressed that the main thing is to come and everything else will be added eventually. Is it wrong of me to stay connect with my faith born in me, while I still choose to do something against the Teaching?
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